My book

SHED/Lisa's
We all know this time. I am famous because of it. Driving down Yaldwin Pl pissed with eminem playing full boar in a '69 VW Beetle.

The poor kid. I payed for drinking with the hangovers.

I think I stole blood with the drink - contributed to SIDS or something.

Lisa's
Lisa was a girl I supposively loved that egged me on drinking. I said I loved her one night - to my present embarrassment - when I was shit faced, up to my eye balls, drunk.

Woden
I stayed with Tooey. Tooey found enlightenment sitting in his flat smoking leaf. Teaching me that drugs in moderation - toasted - is better than wiping yourself out. Tooey had little round sores on himself that he said were from taking mushrooms - mushrooms that then grew out of his skin.

Samaritan House
Samaritan House is a mens refuge. A very good one at that.

Havelock
Havelock was my next house of residence. Samaritan house got me a place at Havelock. I smoked plenty of pot and my fragile mind couldn't handle it - I ended up in the phyc ward.

Phycward
FIRST admission to the phyc ward I was filled with all sorts of dellusion. I liked the food sooo much. I thought I had found heaven. A social worker who is a really good wholesome person sent me to housing developement place (a real dump and I think it to this day - well made though!).

Kanangra
This is where I caught hep C or rather where I used needles I got hep C later off a drifter, all the kids that made me go second were clean.

This was so wrong. They were like vampires latching on to me, floating around the unit.

I left needles all over the floor.

Phyc ward
The social worker sent me to grow, a mental health rehabilitation farm, just outside of Sydney in Liverpool NSW.

Grow
Grow was a mental health rehab with two dogs, Toby and Max. I stayed there for what seemed a long time. I didn't wank. I had cold showers. It was a quiet, peaceful life. Too quiet and peaceful for my stamina, so I pissed off.

Drifters pergatory
I ot out from grow with $40 in my hand and $1000 in my bank 'cos the lady, who said - "you don't really want to be here" in a nice way - didn't care about the thousand.

40 bucks wasn't enough to get from liverpool to circular key, then to grandma's, but some nice nice nice lady gave me a note on circular key turnstiles.

G'ma's
I stayed at gma's for 6 months till I could find a job at Living Hardwood floors.

South Creeks Rd
Stayed at group house which closed down and chucked me on the street and I didn't find a new one so Mr Mannasa took me to

Macquarie Hospital.
Macquarie Hospital had three - gradients - three sections, that gave you stages of freedom. They were parkview, Henely and Figtree.

Macquarie Hospital - Parkview
This is like any phycward. You are locked in, there is a courtyard and a nurses station. I must have been there 4 months.

I got acu - phased by a doctor there. I made a huge bang with the barbeeque lid. Aquphase is like full tranquillizer, they use on lions. I was out for two days. For about 5 - 8 years I was like why did the doctor hurt me - what a witch - but now I am glad because I am not getting special treatment and I got the experience. She was probably aware.

They had a gradient system and I hassled and hassled the nurses to let me up in Henely and I got there.

Maquarie Hospital - Henely
The institution helped me. I made it to Henely. Henely had a big grassed area about 50 meters by 10 meters and another 10 meters by 50 m of deck or porch. I spent 5 months there.

"Please can I go to Figtree" I asked the nurses.

The nurses woke you up at 6.30 am and I was doped upto the eyeballs. On an injection and an oral.

Macquarie Hospital - Figtree
They took us shopping and we ate like kings. (the meds increased appitite). We ordered pizza. And it was like a graduation because all our friends from the previous gradients in the hospital ren des vous.

All through this time the black dog of drinking appeared. But it was great times, long necks in the alley.

'Get real' group halfway house
This place was great. Porno galor. I had to cook for myself. I cooked mostly risotto - I lived off Risotto! Which I now know isn't good for you. I filled the days talking with other consumers and walking about.

Yeah I got hooked on a porno DVD. I would be 23 by then. Porn is not mischief it is wicked.

At the end of the 'get real' group house I was booted because I said I aren't taking meds. I told the "I want to see if I am responsible enough, I want to see if I am responsible enough, to be in charge of my own meds. And when they got me off the treatment order I said "No way, I aren't taking them".

I found a offer on a TAFE billboard, $100 p/w rent, it said so I took it. I went to live at Paulies.

Paulies
Pauly was a scoundrel. The house was aspestos. i wrote lots and studied Conservation and Land Mang. cert III. at the Tafe (100 meters away). It was a rest.

The Voodu's
The couple rented out all of their rooms to boarders (cept their own). I was reading the bible and on the page it said 'take the idle and burn it so I go down stairs, get this little wooden figurine and go to the shed where the old couple are. I spray their Idle with oil and try and light it (the man is laughing and the lady is squealing) but the oil is non flamable so I grab an axe and hack at it maybe 4 times until it's head is hacked off.

Not suprisingly that was the end of the Voodu's.

Mums
I caught the greyhound back to my home town, Canberra. Mums like I am not happy about this. I am a pretty big, wolf of a man, so it was pretty demeaning to have to stay at mums. It lasted 2 days anyway.

Things had reached there pinical. I was a virgin I had tried to crash out in an abandoned nursing home next to Paulies. I was smoking some hermaphrodite weed I scored off Pauly (to heal myself), that I had hidden inside a protea flower that was in the vase I got from the nursing home. Twas at its pinical.

PSU - rispirdol visit
I never forget this visit because it hurt. I remember I was half way through this visit on the 6/6/06 so I was 24. I slept about 4 hours of nothing - sleep a night - max and I could feel my brain being fried. It was a four month admission. So harder time, when I got accompanied leave and saw the blue sky, I cried. The devil really didn't want me to meet the girl that took my virginity.

Relationship with Samantha
I remember my discharge. They put me in the lodge @ the Vil. I said it was an old persons home and I am a young man. I aren't going to hide away on rispirdol all my life.

So I went to interum stay accomodation and stayed two days, scared shitless, then I ended up in Samantha's room and after a few visits she jumped on top of me and fucked me three times.

The Vil
It was hard getting 5 dollar food stamps for us to eat. Sam drank. A real job. I got a life site ban from the Vil. It was three, four months I was there.

Kanangra Crt.
I didn't smoke this time. I have quit smoking about four times. It's my thing!

Kanangra wasn't note worthy cept for the sex and the fact we were there 6 months. I discovered - generally - the man (or rather the female eceptionist) can be a real basted.

Allawah
I started smoking again. This was the downfall of the relationship not smoking. Smoking is like this - to the people that never have, carbon monoxide gets in your blood and you feel sick because of it and additionally your blood saturation with oxigen drops maybe 4 % from 100.

Things got bad agian. I did stuff that only a lonely man does, that is chatting and looking for sex on the internet.... And begged the youth center to bail me from the relationship. And I went back to Sam House after all these years.

Sam house
I stayed for three months.

Havelock
I hate these arseholes with a passion. It was havelock housing assosiation that banned me from the Vill. And they took that bloody long to take notice of me filling out 4 page after 4 page form that when I got there I sexually harrased the reseptionist via note....
(it is a issue for streetys, handing out - harsh - life bans {we sleep rough cos of it}).

Sam house
There is great pressure on Sam house because of Havelock housing assosiation. I couldn't hack it for 3 months at Samaritan house so I ended up in the phyc ward with my first - really serious - attempt on my life since maturity. I got discharged into SUSD another mental health group home.

SUSD
These people were really good to me and I only threw it back in there face. I have discovered now. They gave internet and I used it for porn and I also started binge drinking. I should go to AA to make sure I never drink again.

Richmond Fellowship
This was good because the other consumers were really close and it was really cosy there. I bought my own DVD porn that is reasonabley soft and plodded away, somehow surviving smoking ciggarettes on the porch.

Present...
My first housing flat. Non smoking. Keep porn close to aviod jealousy because I broke into Sams dads house because of porn jealosy. Who knows, life is a mystery....

ps. I have my own horrors to deal with but if you as a civilization want to not go through the school of hard knocks, I would make some faith offerings.

Uploaded quickly. With hardly any care.

Poem about bad memories
Caught the train
had enough of you there
Toll's taking tall towers tumbling
all the way down
I'm crying calling coo-ing
to the deserted distance
Sometimes soles, shudder darken held memories
and when I see you on de - dreadful - day
you wander along, sword swinging spine.

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There is too much violence in the world. Car doors slaming, people drinking and fighting, suffering and pollution, making explosions and not sharing. The world needs to look at itself.

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boxing: next time, man I will walk out of there when I have done the fun stuff.

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Sleeping poorly, try a wank.

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......While your so fucked up, you can't hold an image. So fucked up, you can't hold an image of being face fucked by flange. (edited)

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A message to aliens in AD 3710
Whats today like; todays horror - hanging at roadsides - the urban hum.

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Poem

If i friggen get enough sex
I wont fill a single hour with anything but...
sex

ever been so stressed,
you can't stand it
your shaking and you will be till dusk...
hits

but it's all cool
the world is your mate,
it gives you good stuff, bad stuff,
you lose stuff, you find stuff... you run late

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The premise i had before this peice of writing was I had words to block that had come up out of my subconsious party, birdy etc. these are oldns.

Birdy, thats what I am I'd like to fly away to another land.
Partay partay never gonna free you from the party

Party like you root
send a cock up a sheila and go for gold.

Dogs a forming a line
Lord knows the floppy ear brigade, will fuck you up in time.

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Cannot help the fall
cannot help it sometimes
cannot take it, my hearts racing
and i cannot seem to reach the other side and find a peaceful breeze.

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note to reader

Ok that is reasonabley my drawls upto now. Expect better. I have a few more posts to do at a different date. C U soon

......

Who cares of the herb
the herb don't solve
niether does the boy
come on follow me
the march,
take the lead
on - werds to revolt
rev ol ution
is what we need
so lets lead
the people
to be free
without smoke
smoking an air dooby
of air weed.

rhyme I thought was good

You sexy hot mamma of verse in the universe
the one who toils by his lonesome, everything simple
till you win...

stay single, sell a million records
simpler is, becoming a lyrisist around the canberra region
we've all gatta secret
seek and you shall find
but rarely do you
come and try...

to stop people pissing me off
too skilled to attept a skilled attempt
to knock you off balance
wifout killing you.

EMINEM

EMINEM
BA DA BOOM BADA BOOM
The money I get
The place I got
aren't enough work
to deserve what I get

So I have to trow in the bin
All the work I am doing
to tell you I recon
Keisha is a rad girl
give her a go
she done that for you

Or you could give me advice
Aren't you annoyed
with the lack of techno
no one respects you
in your sqared shitbox
you are headed to rule earth
I doubt your responsible.

Hanging with you my strong lass in discuise
brought me gifts, fragile.
Beyond imagination. That existed in a fairy garden.

mad rhyme for future use

So when I see you on the elsplionade,
I will run fast and chase you hard
I will gawk at girls never to see you.
but all I can see is your smile.

LIL poem for lorese

LIL poem for lorese
You lorese
you I love
the weather
wind, rain, sun
spring is due
like your smile
then comes sun

Poem - why it went boom

Poem - why it went boom
This is about how me and Lorese were different people and my idea of why it fell appart.

I leave hints
I ushered you
you don't read
between the lines

or usherings

I blew up
you have a layer, blind
and I can't see you 'niever
Poor fing.

I will meet you again
I was strung out
the cak - car birds
smile upon us...

I don't know why.

Poems about Lorese

Poems about Lorese

you left me punch drunk
You left me sitting on a coppers log
I think you know how to punish me
I think I better be good

I know me
I am good
but can you see me
when I have to touch on wood

It's a weird matter of give and take
and the yo yo string was knotted!

you was pretty though
Pretty like and orchid, delcate and frigile heart.

Lil story

There once was a duck.
There once was a duck. A duck that no other duck loved. The duck felt hatred. Hate!

The duck needed to get away. So he went to the ocean, where he swam and swam and swam.

He arrived in Europe.

A girl duck and he bumped into each other.

"Your wet" she said.

Cont. poem in Boom Boom Boom, Meter

Cont. poem in Boom Boom Boom, Meter
I live here
here in phyc
phyc is kewl
it's boring.

I want cake
can't have cake
for fucks sake
close the loudness

I like rain
rain is sad
the I cry
tear cascade face

time is now you leave time...
you leave room
job hold down.

Poem in meter

Poem in meter
Boom Boom Boom

I love you
It don't care
not I do
I do so

All men run
a race against
you my star
eyes opaque.

dead - a - man
I am not
crying on.

Voice in tree
Jan me said
joy to you
joy to all.

Words to be used in raps

Slipry slimey snake
falling foolishly floorward
tripping tatally togetherness
sex sock stuck.

Quick Poem to meter of c'mon Ilean

Quick Poem to meter of c'mon Ilean

Bomp bomp bar boom Bompla.

Ground rings grinding lover
It's not the earth crustastion under
the rain whispers to yer
to to to ya
winter cranes cold, your house is runner

Three sylable per line poem 'bout

Three sylable per line poem 'bout
life.

The cat barked
Cats don't bark
'Cept the one
living' down the road.

Silly young man
Don't know much
he's in toil
bads his name
bads his game

The bird flys
In the wind
but the world
tick tocks on

One to eminem;;;

One to eminem;;;
I watch you, from the start you know
what about petrol, the globes warm
adverts, your friends on drugs yo
what about discrimination n' lady mab.

phycward

I had a job after five years unemployed working as a gso 3, removing graffiti for TAMS (the equilivent of the council. I went in with gusto and I found the place very stressful.
I now have the choice of going back becuase the are discussing me being mentally ill. Should I go in under the precept of illness or find something where I can stand tall with no insite into...

Monday 23/8/2010

Hrmm I am still crossing the days off the calender until habits are re formed after the phyc ward. It has been about 7 days since I got discharged. I was talking about the forklift last time... well I got it. Plus I loved the course. If you've seen fight club I am going to become a tourist of those courses. If I pay surely I have a right to be there and plus I need the sleep lol. So long people. Words of wisdom. Through the up and downs, stay the same person. Um an anonomous dude smashed all the spiritual teachers, he was probably a trady. He, whoever he was said it is durring the hard times character is defined. C U tomo
Jante

16/8/2010

It is now the 16 of August. The job didn't go well. It was a disaster. My sleep was going crazy. I got desent sleep. But I had real trouble with coming to terms with the others who worked there. I ended up in the phyc ward. It was the first admission where I haven't smoked, so that may ;o) mean I am moving forward. I have paid for my forklift licence. Who knows if I will get it!

The doctors all loved me this time. We will see how this unfolds in the future. My guess is I wont be doctors pet endlessly. They will start being vindictive again!

baaaah I really am disapointed that my days aren't turning out as I plan. Its these views I throw on myself to adhear that has made my life a self forfilled disaster.

I sence an age of enlightenment though, of great joy.

What was the job like?
They bought me working gear, about 500 dollars worth of clothing, the boots being the most expensive. Then we drove around heaps and did as little work as possible. We would drive from one side of town to the other for one tag and drive past 100 tags that we didn't clean. Me saying the people should logistisize in their cars defied this job. The reason I lost it was because of the goats that worked there. They were threatend by my "being". I am not one to take the speck out of there eye, i only worked there for 5 days.

What was the phyc ward like?
It was filled with people in higgledy piggledy clothes and was mostly suffering free. I saw them with those liver dish's though, others were. I was doctors pet. All the in patients were people I was familiar with, regulars. I cannot explain the phyc ward but it decays people and it is plastic. It sends your mind off too.

25/7/2010 Tuesday

Having trouble with the job. Everybody knows it so i may as well tell you. The strangest thing happened today a female stuck her tongue out at me waitin' in a que. Did you know that when the male is in a submissive mode he gets aggressive with the build up of the moon but when he takes the dominant role (and he has male friends around him) he takes the ebb tide as a sign he has missed out and gets frustrated and jealose. Guess what baby, I am just waiting to embarrass you in front of all your friends.

23/7/10

Rello. I have been tired lately. Starting the new job. Life is joyful though. I have ecentricities. The other night I watched saw it kept me up all night. I got into this real nasty mode, I have been watching gunters er too. I want them to cut up a wombat.

The world keeps turning, spinning and turning, you could never understand that on as many levels as me but it grinds at different decabells.

What else? The job is ok. I suppose putting up with those people is a little frustrating. But it is also a laugh, it is funny. Thats what dad was doing when he went to wurk. anyway LG.
cya
Jante

22/7/10

Union day at work today.

Otherwise the guy I am offsider for seems to be a good bloke. It is a strage place because they are extreemly accepting of each other not like our crew who backstabs. Hrrrm but it is different though there you could flownder and your on your own.

Other than sleep patterns I have looked up stress on the internet. Symptoms of stress, dry mouth, tence muscles in your back, tired eyes, frustration, and reduced mental function. The cures for stress, sleep right, stretching, deep breaths, and mental stimulation, and definately avoiding the stress.

Hrrrm my tricks are codiene 5mg and 250mg at bedtime and then the other half at midnight when you wake up. Note to self: fast acting and fast digested bedtime pill so you can drop off. A blalaclava that stimulates the skin on the scalp via remote profile statue pluged into a computer for couples whome are in a distance relationship. Voice recognition typed txting ph.s.

Otherwise words of wisdom, look after no. 1

16/7/10

16/7/10
Hrrm there is a few things I want I want one of those things that you can tape TV with I suppose I need some speakers and a digital antenay as well. I uploaded the blog! It is empowering and destablising as well to know you are a little bit famous. I saw a girl in a car today, she was a real hottie. Dyed brown hair, full figure, well groomed to the max. Her car had d.c plates, that means shes a diplomat. She looked in her mirror too. I have this thing that, when i walk into a room, i plant seeds of doubt into every womans head thats in that room. :o)

I wish this would never end. I have had bad times. Really bad times. Purposeless times, and painful times. But now, just being happy is something I have to be grateful for right now. I dunno transience is one of the things I really have diffoculty with, I do not have much experience with long term, short term transience. I have always dropped back into vice before I could experience good wads of transience. And bloody hell the transience is endless in life.

But I have to get power. You have to accept that you need security to maintain the flow a productive man has. So that is my fate I have to stop being led by my decisions that outcomes are always the right thing and give in that I have to protect no 1. But I will compromise.

For the young ones, lol, find what you want to do and do it.